


Even saves Isak

by blondwaves



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Vomit, isak did some shit that haunts him, sorry for huring isak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 05:21:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9163975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blondwaves/pseuds/blondwaves
Summary: Inspired by Isak's relationship with that girl from season 2. Isak needs saving and Even is the perfect guy for the job.





	

Isak had never had any /serious/ relationships before. There was that one girl he had dated during first year, but even thinking of their relationship made him shudder. He had hated kissing her, her sticky lip gloss always felt more like an assault on his face. He played the part of the boyfriend and had convinced himself he’d liked her enough to stay together for almost 3 months until there was a problem: she wanted to have sex. 

Before she had always said “I want to wait” during their makeout/face-assault sessions. And to be frank, Isak was mostly relieved. He was also very much terrified that he didn’t want to have sex with his girlfriend. She was beautiful, Jonas and all his friends never stopped talking about how luck he was to catch a girl like her.  
He didn't feel lucky.  
He felt trapped.

When she told him she wanted to “do it” Isak didn't know what to do. He kept cutting their time together short before the idea of anything more could blossom. He had so many excuses:  
“my mom’s having an episode” (which wasn't technically a lie most of the time) or “I have an overdue biology assignment” mostly is was simply “Family dinner”

His excuses actually worked for the most part, until their 4 month anniversary. Her parents were out of town and she had planned a “romantic evening”. Isaks stomach was sick. How had he done this for 4 months? What the fuck was wrong with him?

Isak could barely swallow the spaghetti she had made him. 

He choked of the wine she stole from her parents.

He coughed out his part to their conversations.

When they kissed he stopped breathing.

When she told him she wanted to have sex that night Isaks heart stopped.

“Are you sure?” he tried “I thought you wanted to wait?” he almost begged. It wasn't working. It seemed to have the opposite effect, if anything she was even more keen on him. She crawled onto his lap from her spot on the couch. He pushed her off when she tried touch him through his jeans. 

“Are you gay or something? Is that why you don’t want to have sex?” she snapped.

No  
No  
No  
No  
Fuck  
“Nie! What the fuck?” and before she could say anything else he pulled her back into his lap and started kissing her. 

He fucked her. 

He fucked her, and after she fell asleep he left. He walked all the way home. He could have,  
He should have taken a bus or a cab; the weather was easily below freezing and Isak was only wearing a hoodie.

The cold seeped deep into his bones and he fucking deserved it. He was such a shitty person. He was such a shitty boyfriend. He didn't like her, not that way at least. That fucking terrified him. Silent tears fell down his face as he walked. His whole body felt disgusting.

 

The first thing he did when he got home was throw up everything in his stomach. For what felt like hours he was collapsed, leaning over the toilet. Heaving and throwing up until there surely couldn't be anything more in his stomach.

Isak closed his eyes and rested his head on the toilet bowl trying to catch his breath. He felt tears slide over the bridge of his nose and slide down the other cheek. He tasted the acid in his mouth. When he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the puked-up spaghetti his girlfriend had made him earlier that night. 

He didn't think there could possibly be anything more in his stomach until he was gripping the sides of the toilet bowl and vomiting again. 

The vomiting turned into dry heaving and the dry heaving turned into sobbing. He curled into a ball back against the bathtub, feet against the toilet. He sobbed until there was nothing left. Nothing left but the leftover taste of puke in his mouth and an overbearing feeling of disgust. 

Isak didn't brush his teeth. he just tip toed up the stairs past his parents room, into his own before crying himself to sleep.

The next morning Isak brushes his teeth 5 times consecutively. He doesn't know why, he just know he needs to get the awful taste of bile out of his mouth. He takes the coldest shower of his life and doesn't let himself cry. 

He texts his girlfriend: we need to break up

He’s a fucking pussy. Who breaks up over text? Who breaks up over text the day after you had sex for the first time, the day after your anniversary. Isak turns off all notifications on his phone and blasts NWA into his skull until he can’t remember his name.  
Everyone at school thinks he’s some asshole who just dates girls just to fuck them. It's actually a way better outcome than Isak could have hoped for. He refuses to talk about it. Time goes on. People forget. Isak pushes the memory to the furthest reaches of his brain.

That's why Isak never expects it to come back. He never had another relationship that lasted more than a makeout session at a party. No anniversaries.

Isak has been dating even for over three months and it's been craziest time of his life, but undeniably also the best time of his life. They’d been taking turns doing cute anniversary things. For their one month anniversary isak had brought Even chocolate, flowers, and wine.  
For their two month anniversary Even took Isak to a ice skating rink.  
For their three month anniversary, isak wanted to step it up so he took Even out to dinner and then to a new movie even had been talking about wanting to see nonstop.

Isak knew Even planning something big for their four month anniversary, wanting to outdo the younger boy. To be honesty, Isak was actually really excited. He loved Even’s surprises. He loved spending time with Even. He loved Even.

Isak was shocked when he came home from school and found all of his roommates gone and all the lights off. All the lights except soft yellow light coming from the kitchen. Isak quietly made his way into the kitchen, only to find Even had set up a candle lit dinner in his kitchen. 

“Halla, baby” Even said, walking right up to Isak and giving him a sweet, soft, simple kiss. If it was anything but. Every Time Even touched Isak his whole body lit up with love. It was unlike anything Isak had ever felt. He was hooked on Even. 

“What is this?” Isak questioned, dropping his backpack.

“Just a wonderful, home cooked meal for our four month anniversary!”

“Even” he whispered “its wonderful”. Even just pulled him into another kiss. He led Isak to a seat and began to serve them. Isak had completely blocked out the events of last year until he saw Even dishing spaghetti. 

Fuck, it was a lot. He hadn’t eaten spaghetti since then. He didn't know what would happen, but he didn't want to ruin all the work Even put into their evening. He swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled up at his beautiful boyfriend and he put a giant plate of spaghetti in between them. It was even complete with the giant meatball in the center. Even had recreated “The Lady and The Tramp”. His boyfriend even pushed the meatball to Isak with his nose, getting spaghetti sause all over in the process. Isak was overflowing with love for his boyfriend. He was such a movie dork and Isak loved him so much. 

The meal went lovely until the end. Isak couldn't push away the thoughts of last year. He felt like he couldn't swallow anymore, remnants of the huge pile of spaghetti staring up at him. He couldn't take another bite. He tried taking another sip of the wine Even had poured him but All the resemblances were too close:

The anniversary.  
The meal.  
The wine.

Isak felt like he was choking and then his stomach lurched. 

“Isak? Isak are you okay?” Even was looking at him with a worried expression. The younger boy tried nodding his head but his stomach lurched again and instead he found himself bolting for the bathroom. 

Isak barely made it in time before the entire contents of the meal he just ate was looking back up at him from the toilet bowl. In an instant Even was by his side, rubbing circles in his back as he heaved into the toilet. When the dry heaving started Isak couldn't stop himself from crying. 

Like history on repeat, the vomiting turned into dry heaving and and the dry heaving turned into sobbing. Except Isak had Even this time. Even pulled Isak’s sobbing body off the toilet and into his arms. Isak curled into Evens chest and sobbed into his shirt. Even just held him tight and whispered “Isak, baby it's okay.” “Isak, whats wrong”. Isak loved his boyfriend so much but it just made him sob even harder into the older boy's chest. Even’s shirt was definitely covered in tears and snot as well as stretched where Isak gripped it tightly. 

Even held him until he stopped sobbing, he rocked him softly and pressed firm kisses to the top of crying boy’s head. The older boy tilted Isak’s head up so he could look into his eyes. He wiped away the tears on his boyfriend's face with his thumb and pressed a soft kiss onto Isak’s forehead. Isak knew he must look like an absolute wreck, red and puffy eyes, runny nose, and mouth agape breath shaky. 

“I didn’t know my cooking was that bad” Even chuckled trying to diffuse the situation some. Isak was so fucked up but he couldn’t help but laughing a little “is it really that bad?” Even joked again. Isak gave his boyfriend a small smile but his eyes were still so sad, it made Even want to wrap him up in his arms and never let him go. Even was seriously considering it. 

“Your cooking was amazing” Isak whispered  
“It looks like your stomach disagrees” Even motioned to the toilet with his head. Isak rested his head on Even’s shoulder nuding into his neck with his nose.  
“It wasn't your cooking” Isak started “that's not why this” he took another deep breath “that's not why this happened” Even looked down at him.  
“Can you tell me why it happened” Evens voice was so soothing, the younger boy just wanted to listen to him forever and never think about his problems ever again.  
“It’s a long story” Isak whispered into his neck.  
“It's okay, you don't need to tell me now”  
“I'm so sorry I ruined our anniversary”  
“It's okay Isak, we’ll have more” Isak leaned up to give a small chaste kiss to Even. “no offense baby, but if were gonna kiss anymore you need to brush your teeth” Isak laughed, his mouth tasted absolutely horrific.  
“That sounds like a good idea” Even got up pulling Isak up with him. “You're such a good boyfriend” Isak whispered. Evan's face lit up with smile and Isak couldn't resist giving him another small kiss.  
“Isak, I love you but seriously. Brush your teeth.”

Later they were laying in bed after everything got cleaned up. They were lying facing each other; even on his back and isak half on his front, half laying on top of Even.

“Even” Isak started only to be cut off by the older boy.  
“Its okay, seriously Isak. you don't have to tell me now” "I just think if I don't tell you now, I never will" “It's okay if you never tell me”  
“It's not” stated firmly “it's not okay, I think. Or I don't want you to think I’m going to throw up all the food you feed me or some shit” Even nodded again.  
“Is it just spaghetti?” he asked rubbing circles into Isak’s back.  
“Yes. no. I think so.” his voice was a little shaky still. “I was in a really bad place my first year at Nissen. I had this girlfriend. She was nice, I didn’t really like her like that you know?” Even gave another nod “and we had this four month anniversary dinner. And it was spaghetti. It was good, nothing against her spaghetti or yours” Isak smiled up at him with the ‘or yours’ “It was just really confusing for me, and she wanted to have sex.”

“And you didn't?” 

“Not with her, but I tried to stop her and she got angry and said I wouldn’t have sex with her because I was gay and I was in such a fucked up place. I fucked her.” the tears came back into Isak's eyes and Even just pulled him tighter. “I fucked her and then I left. I threw up everything. I felt so fucking disgusting. I broke up over text, can you believe that? I was such a bad person. I used her and I hurt her and I didn’t even like her” Isak’s voice was frantic.

“Isak calm down. Its okay, its in the past” he kissed the smaller boy softly. 

“Even, I” Even cuts him off with another kiss.

“You. Are. Not. Disgusting." Even whispered firmly "It was a long time ago and you were scared and alone.” he lets them kiss more passionately for a minute  
“I never want you to feel like that ever again. Du er Ikke alene” he says breathlessly to the beautiful boy he loves so much.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry I love angst, leave a kudo or comment


End file.
